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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Well, you’ll be pleased I didn’t blog yesterday. I was all set to post a really nice self-indulgent ramble on how crap I feel. Boo bloody hoo. Anyway, luckily worpress ate my long sob story so there you go, you don’t have to worry about it! Here’s a slightly more positive one instead.

Life has been a little trying to say the least with Leo’s teething nightmare just escalating (and a new need to be completely attached to me at every second) and Ruby being……..well………Ruby. 3 and a half. That sounds like I don’t adore mothering but it’s not so, I just find it to be a really hard gig some days. Who doesn’t?

I had some freakouts though and thought I had PND. I think I’m ok though. I think. I just panic at the thought of this life sometimes and trying to balance everyone and their needs and well, my nerves are a-jangling. I think it’s so important to have a bit of self-nuturing time you know? It’s very difficult to get and when you do you end up feeling guilty! Yaaarrrggghhhh!

Anyway, I’ve resolved that I just need to get on with it and realise I’m not a super mum. I’m not perfect. I’m not well presented, my hair and nails are’nt perfect, I usually have some sort of yuck on me, my kids usually have paint or stamps or food on their faces, my housework isn’t always done but you know….so what? I demand breastfeed (for years at a time), I co-sleep, I feed my kids good, healthy food, I watch their learning, I guide their learning, I let them *BE*, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them (and show it), I try to be an ok parent.  I’m (we are) doing the very best I (we) can with what resources and support we have. I think a lot of this worry stemmed from the thought of added activities- my study, John’s book. Coupled with family life and gerally LIFE it just seems so nuts some times! Somehow I think we need to get very good with the time management next year!!

Anyway, I think I might somehow scrounge an hour and a half a week to get back to my yoga class and see a naturopath…..ha! Sure!!

Rant over. Here’s pics. Leo crying.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Tuesday, October 28, 2008 11:56p10

    I know- I remember after having my second going through quite a period where I would wake up to the day with a feeling of dread and I would feel so stressed and snap and then spend most of the night crying feeling guilty about what a bad mother I was. I read somewhere (Buddhism for Mothers I think) that a woman’s self esteem is at her lowest after the birth of her second child. So much guilt and tiredness. You’ll find things getting easier after Leo turns 1. Take care and look after yourself.

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